


Loving Every Part of You

by DoubleMastectomy



Series: Vacant Three by Fours [2]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California (Comics)
Genre: Confessions, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Reunions, Sign Language, idk how else to tag this, so if it's not up to my current writing standards that's why, this is an old fic, wait that's so dramatic lol, well. first proper reunion at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:21:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29621922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoubleMastectomy/pseuds/DoubleMastectomy
Summary: Ever since he was captured by Better Living and kept trapped in the city for seven long months, Cherri Cola's been hiding something from the Kobra Kid. Kobra's worried it's something bad, that the boyfriend who returned to him isn't the same as the one who left, but in reality it's more complicated than that.
Relationships: Agent Cherri Cola/Kobra Kid (Danger Days)
Series: Vacant Three by Fours [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882306
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	Loving Every Part of You

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings for discussions of brainwashing and trauma, but nothing graphic.
> 
> I meant to post this .... many months ago. I wanted to wait until more of my first Gary Levko fic was finished, but that's clearly taking a long enough time and that context isn't necessary to understand this one anyway.
> 
> All you need to know for this fic is:  
> -Cherri was captured by bl/i.  
> -That experience brought out dissociative symptoms he didn't previously notice in himself.  
> -He escaped Battery City and now he's back in the desert again.
> 
> Also, although I'm adding this to my Vacant Three by Fours series (basically my Gary Levko series), this isn't necessarily the same canon as the first fic. Hence why Kobra isn't even mentioned in that one. Kobracola was just an easy ship to use for this concept, and also I think someone requested something like this at one point? I don't remember.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Kobra slides into the old diner booth beside Cherri, fiddling with his necklace. Cherri doesn’t even glance at him, just staring straight ahead. His mousey hair is pulled back and shiny in this light. He’s wearing the new prosthetic Ghoul had made him out of old droid parts, and on the table in front of him there’s some torn salt packets, the spilled salt pushed into anxious piles, then those piles pushed into rows. Cherri grabs another packet and rips off the corner.

“Should save those,” Kobra whispers.

Cherri hums, the corners of his mouth pulled back. He avoids Kobra’s eyes.

The diner is too quiet. Jet and Poison are out on a mission somewhere in Zone Two while Ghoul sleeps in a back room. Dr. Death Defying, loud and boisterous, had come over with Cherri an hour or two ago, but he’d headed out not long after. So, for now, it’s as good as just the two of them sitting in silence. Kobra taps Cherri’s shoulder lightly, prompting him to look up. He signs, eyebrows raised, “You wanted to talk?”

Cherri swallows hard and nods once stiffly. Seeing his face fully now, Kobra notices how pale Cherri looks. He has heavy bags under his eyes from more than just a few sleepless nights and his cheekbones are a nervous pink. After a beat Kobra signs again:

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry.” Cherri turns away again as he speaks. Struggling to keep his gaze on Kobra, his eyes flit back and forth. “It’s just hard, you know? What about you, snakelet? Are you alright?” He places a hand to Kobra’s thigh glancing back up. “This a bad time?”

“Are _you_ alright?” Kobra presses again.

“Fine.”

“Don’t look fine.”

“It’s jus' hard. That’s all.”

Kobra bites his lip. Honestly he’s been expecting this conversation, whatever it is, to come around sooner or later. “This about the City?”

Cherri flinches.

“Sorry,” Kobra whispers, more mouthing the word than speaking it. But at least he guessed correctly. He returns to signing, shaking his head, “Sorry. You don’t have to -”

“D and Pony already know. Well, ‘course they do.” Cherri chuckles grimly and scratches at his thigh. “They got me out. They’re my crew. They saw me at the lowest - they were there looking down the pit I’d fallen into and they pulled me back out - and they know. But dammit I didn’t mean to keep this from you for so long. Fuck, I pro’ly only made it worse by waitin’ like this.” He taps his fingers against the rim of the table, speaking too fast. “And you don’t gotta be okay with it. Know that I’d understand if you weren’t okay with it.”

“Breathe.”

Cherri turns away again to rip open another salt packet.

Kobra does know about the City, at least vaguely he does. He knows that Cherri was captured during one of his drac-killing sprees. He knows that he was taken into the Battery itself before returning seven months later like a miracle mostly unharmed. But he also knows that Cherri’s been _off_ since getting back.

Of course the instant he’d heard news that Cherri was safe, Kobra red lined straight to the Radio Station, only to be turned away at the door. Pony, guiltily rubbing at the back of their neck and uncharacteristically enunciating, told Kobra that it might be a better idea for him to come back later instead. 

“Sorry darling,” they said, “Cola’s still, y’know, recovering.” 

And that was the extent of Kobra’s knowledge for the first three weeks.

It was during the following month that Kobra finally reunited with Cherri to an onslaught of kisses and hugs and long spooning sessions overnights and into the next mornings. It was nice. It was almost like normal. But it was during this time that it also became undeniably clear that Cherri was different than before.

For the most part, it wasn’t a bad change. Just different in the way that life changes a person. He’d suddenly renounced killing, for one thing, becoming a full-time pacifist and halohead instead. He was softer too. Kinder. More emotionally mature even.

It was the underlying tone to Cherri’s reformed actions that presented the downside of his return. There was something that he was clearly, badly, hiding from Kobra. The way Cherri skimmed rooms regularly, avoiding him not coldly but out of shame, if his posture was anything to judge by. The way Cherri went through the motions of their relationship habitually and casually while his mind wandered elsewhere. The way Cherri Cola, too-loud rambunctious and assertive Cherri Cola, was now so incredibly silent.

Kobra’s been patient. He’s been trying. He’s given Cherri the space he’s needed when he’s needed it. He’s been respectfully soft and quiet in return. And he hasn’t pressured Cherri to talk about whatever mysterious events happened in the City. Still, he doesn’t know if he’s been enough for Cherri lately. _Is that what this is?_ Kobra’s heart drops. _Is this a breakup conversation?_

He shifts in his seat, already feeling the dry tears welling up in his eyes. Even if he knows it’s halfway irrational, the tears aren’t only from the terrible “what if”s he’s suddenly digging himself into. It’s also the uneasy, almost fearful, energy radiating off Cherri himself that breaks Kobra's heart.

Unsure if he’s even being watched, Kobra begins to sign, “Whatever you need -”

“They re-educated me. In Battery.”

Kobra stops. It’s not a surprise, but he hadn’t quite realized it either.

“It’s not - It was bad but it -” Cherri pauses, rethinking how he wants to phrase it. “I was already like this before. Before the - before they... - you don’t needa know what happened. Just that I was like this before. At least, I think I was. D found some old psych books in his collection - you know how he is, always collecting pre-war merchandise. Doesn’t matter. His books explain it better than I could, is my point.” He breathes. “I was like this before. I just didn’t know about it ‘til Better Living coaxed it out of me the way they did but Kobes, I don’t think I’m always myself.”

Kobra relaxes, almost relieved that’s all this is. “I can help with depression. If you’re upset we can work on that. It's okay. It’s not your fault.”

Cherri shakes his head. “No, no. The re-education, the bleaching, the - it was bad. It was -” he smiles a bit, shivering, “really really bad. Messed me up. I know I’m always speaking my poetics but I’m not exaggerating. When I surfaced from what they did to me I wasn’t myself. I had this new name, new identity. And I couldn’t remember the desert, or who I was. Or you.”

“Brainwashing?”

“In part. But it went deeper too. I was, as literally as I can mean it, a different person. Kobra, I was a different person.”

“But you’re back now?”

“Not always.”

“Okay.” Kobra tentatively wraps an arm around Cherri and without a second thought Cherri melts into him, resting his head on his shoulder and grabbing hold of his jacket. “Okay,” Kobra repeats.

“Sometimes he still comes back,” Cherri continues quietly, “and I… turn into him I guess. I get all foggy in my head and then suddenly I’m him. And he does whatever he wants to do and I go away for a bit. Or sometimes I don’t. Not entirely. Sometimes I just watch him be and can’t stop him if I want to. And I can remember his memories, like remembering an old story, but not always. Not always. Often I lose myself.”

Kobra plays with Cherri’s dangly earring meditatively, signing with his free hand. “Is he bad?”

“No! No, he’s not some evil or anything. He’s - I’m not -”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kobra quickly interrupts. “You’re uncomfortable.”

“It’s an uncomfortable situation.”

“You don’t have to talk. If you don’t want to.”

“I want to. Pony knows. D knows. You should know too.”

“Not if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’ll always be uncomfortable.”

Kobra swallows his guilt. He kisses the top of Cherri’s head and slowly, focusing on each sign with timid curiosity, he asks, “Can you tell me about him?”

Cherri nods against Kobra’s shoulder.

“His name is Gary - fuck, Witch, it’s so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.”

Cherri sighs and tries again. “His name is Gary Levko. He likes the City - but he’s not a BL sympathizer. Mostly isn’t. It’s complicated, but he got us out.”

“That’s good! That he got you out. Can you thank him for me? For getting my boyfriend back? If you can.”

“He says it’s no problem.”

Kobra raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Is he with you now?”

“Usually is.”

“Does he have anything to say? Can I ask you that?”

“Yes. Yes you can ask that and yes he’s been talking up a storm to me but -” Cherri goes flush. “- it’s stupid.”

“Stop. It’s not stupid. Stop saying it’s stupid.”

“He jus’ says he thinks you’re cute is all.”

It’s Kobra’s turn to blush, taken aback. Without thinking he signs, “He’s cute too.”

“You haven’t even met him,” Cherri laughs, genuinely and warmly, breaking apart the last of the day’s tension. 

“He’s in your head, right? Your body? You’re cute. So he’s cute.”

Cherri laughs again sitting up and pulling Kobra into him, kissing at his cheek. As he buries his face in Kobra’s neck, Kobra can feel damp tears falling against his skin.

He taps Cherri's arm for his attention and asks, “Good?”

“Yeah, alright.” Cherri wipes his face. “Just feeling relieved. It’s good. You’re good.”

They sit in silence for a while after that, holding each other close listening to each other breathe. Through the booth’s window, broad white clouds pass by. Sunlight warms them. The smell of gasoline wafts through the air, a sign that Ghoul must be awake by now out back working on something. Over Cola’s back, Kobra takes the time to practice fingerspelling “G-a-r-y,” over and over until the motions grow familiar.

“If you were like this before the city too,” Kobra starts eventually, pulling back a bit, “Are there others with you? Or is it just you and Gary?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure there are. In retrospect it’d explain too much, but I just don’t know.”

“What about Poison? And Jet and Ghoul? Should I tell them? Or keep quiet about this? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Maybe keep it on the low for now. It’s not that I don’t trust ‘em, it’s just…”

“I understand.”

Cherri nods. “And it should be fine. Whenever Gary’s with you and one of the other Four walk by, he can just pretend to be me. I’m sure they won’t know the difference.”

“When Gary’s with me? Will I get to meet him?”

“Of course.”

“Is he comfortable with that?”

“He wants to be. He will be. Maybe next time he’s running things he’ll come on over and you two can have a more formal introduction.”

“I’d like that.”

“Him too.”

Cherri snakes his hand around Kobra’s cheek and to the back of his head, pulling his face in closer. Kobra lets his eyes shut as Cherri’s lips meet his for a chaste kiss.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Kobra whispers back.

Cherri shrugs before kissing him again. With this kiss, harder than the last, Kobra suddenly realizes with a burst of joy that Cherri isn’t holding himself back anymore. He’s no longer so worryingly stiff or passive. For the first time since his long awaited return, Kobra can finally feel Cherri’s love. Kobra feels loved. He kisses back.

“I love you.”

Cherri pulls away but stays close, their faces centimeters apart. “Is this okay?”

Kobra watches him.

“All of this? Any of this?”

“Of course, Cher,” Kobra laughs. He runs his hands through Cherri’s hair. “You’re always okay. Always. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. Don’t ever trick yourself into thinking that any part of you isn’t.”

As he pulls Kobra in again, Cherri smiles against his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/kudos are very much appreciated!


End file.
